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February 26, 2007

Bar Review

The bar exam is upon us again, so I thought I'd repost some of my previous advice:

1) Do: Freak out, consume NyQuil, dump your boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't: Shower, wear make-up.

2) Sabotage your fellow-bar takers by spreading misinformation; it is your only hope.

3) Perhaps it isn't the best idea to name your kids while studing for the bar.

4) My personal bar exam story and how I passed anyway.

5) The bar exam is on Tuesday. Time to cowboy (or cowgirl) up!

And now, some new words of advice: It has come to my attention, via a conversation I had with Nicky from Legally Certified, that some countries do not require you to take an exam to become an attorney. Therefore, I suggest moving to Australia. Their women are hot and their law is like common-law light.

February 25, 2007

Oscar Watching

I was just about to write how even though I know it is wrong, I would totally make it with Helen Mirren. But then I saw the Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly bit, and knew I wasn't the only one.

Update: When Alan Arkin won for best supporting actor, the expression on Eddie Murphy's face, for just a brief moment, seemed to scream, "Oh hell no!"

February 19, 2007

Interviewing

That last post, with the link to Craig's list, reminds me of this one law firm interview I had during law school. For those of you that don't know, law firm interviews, specifically call-backs (often there is an initial screening interview), generally involve several short interviews spread over about half-a-day. Once you've been on three or four of these interviews, though, you start to hear the same questions over and over.

Now, I've done a lot of interviews as part of my college's alumni admissions committee, and usually my approach to interviewing is to listen to what the interviewee has to say and ask follow-up questions based on that. But a lot of law firm interviewers use stock questions that show they aren't really paying attention and are kind of lazy. One of those lazy questions, in my opinion, is "What is your greatest strength?"

So, during one interview, I was asked the "greatest strength" question for about the 20th time. I decided to respond accordingly, while demonstrating my world-renowned wit and humor:

Lawyer: So, what would you say your greatest strength is?
Me: I write good.
If you don't get the joke, you're not alone; neither did the attorney interviewing me. We sat there in uncomfortable silence for a while before I finally stammered, "Uh, I mean, I write well." A couple of weeks later, I got a rejection letter from the firm. I guess they weren't aware of my world-renowned wit. Trust me, it is fucking legendary.

Holy Smoke

Peeps, sorry for the lack of posts, but you've got to understand: It is mad crazy with work around these parts. I'm serial.

In a related story, I saw this about law firm interviews on the Best of Craig's List, and it is pretty funny. My favorite:

4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?

What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.

What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.

February 11, 2007

Time Travel

So, I went home to visit my parents this weekend, and it was like a trip back in time. Again. Basically, my bedroom has changed very little in 10 years, and it is basically in the same shape it was when I was in high school (except for the random law books in my bookcase, which like the penny in "Somewhere in Time" are the only thing keeping me in the present).

Anyway, this weekend, I was in my bedroom, playing my Sega Genesis, as I am wont to do. This time it was NHL '94, perhaps the greatest sports game of all time. Seriously, it was freshman year of high school all over again. When was the last time you heard someone scream things like "Hey Craig Janney, stop being a douche and going offsides," "Butcher, why don't you check somebody?" and "You play left wing, Shanahan, so why do you suck at shooting left handed?"

By the way, Wikipedia informs me that Brendan Shanahan is married to Craig Janney's ex-wife. Apparently I'm not the only one who thought he was acting like a douche.

Right, point is I was rocking NHL '94 on the Genesis, just like I was 13 years ago. And I was still kicking ass. Although I only scored 12 goals against the Kings (usually it is a good 15-20 when I've had some practice), I ended up beating some of my old records that had been saved on that cartridge for the better part of a decade. The only thing missing was a 6-pack of Mountain Dew and an acne outbreak.

Some of you may understand the attraction of nostalgia. For those that don't, I admit I find it slightly comforting in these times where I must come to terms with my impending adulthood. I mean, I'm not there yet (obviously), but it is finally on the horizon and I'm having trouble dealing.

February 10, 2007

You know I'm dumb, right? I sent out a press release. I ate a bunch of them.

If you couldn't tell from random quotes around here, I'm a big fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Thus, I appreciate this highly:

Here's the deal: The entire city of Boston has grossly overreacted. What is most surprising about the situation is how they feel their level of outrage is totally justified. When I was five, no one was freaking out about Lite-Brites. Sheet, a Lite-Brite contains about 1000 small plastic pegs, which you then hand a 5-year old and tell them to go play. No one freaking out about that.

February 04, 2007

Clueless

Uh, I'm watching the Super Ball and I just saw an ad for General Motors. Hey, GM, word of advice: In a time when you're laying off thousands of employees, perhaps it isn't the smartest idea to make a commercial about laying off a robot who then commits suicide by jumping off a bridge. Just a thought.

[UPDATE: They posted the whole ad. I find it weird that ifilm includes an ad before the ad.]

Criminal Sunday

Criminal Friday is changing to Criminal Sunday because my current job does not allow me much time to post during the week. Criminal Sunday/Friday is one of my favorite features of this blog because it allows me to do some small legal analysis, while at the same time mocking people and drawing life lessons from that mocking.

Today's case is Missouri v. Livingston, No. WD 64677 (Mo. Ct. App. Jan. 30, 2007). I don't do a lot of state appellate decisions on Criminal Friday, but it is time to spread my wings a bit.

So, if you don't know, the way the jury selection process works is that each side, both prosecution and defense, get so many "peremptory" challenges. A peremptory challenge allows each side to dismiss, for almost any reason, a certain number of potential jurors. The other way to get rid of a potential juror is "for cause," but as you can imagine this is much harder. Jury selection is often a game where you attempt to get as many of your opponents jurors struck "for cause," letting you save your limited peremptory challenges for those times when you've got no other options.

Well, the one thing you can't do with a peremptory challenge in a criminal trial is use it to discriminate simply based on the juror's race. This was the result of the Supreme Court's holding in Batson v. Kentucky, 479 U.S. 79 (1986). On appeal, defendants often assert a Batson challenge, claiming the prosecution kept certain people off the jury based only on their race.

Generally Batson challenges don't succeed because the prosecution can usually come up with some legitimate non-discriminatory reason for striking the juror, defeating the defendant's prima facie case. But in Livingston, the Missouri Court of Appeal recently upheld a Batson challenge because the prosecution struck an African-American juror but did not move to strike similar white jurors. As the Court of Appeals wrote:

Since Batson was handed down it has been in tension with the historical conviction of the trial lawyer that he or she should be able to make preemptory challenges for no reason or even bad reasons. But there should be no tension. Every citizen has a right as well as obligation to participate in our democratic process. Jury service is perhaps the most important means after voting and free speech. Consequently, as a matter of constitutional right and fundamental equality, an African-American has a right to serve on a jury that can only be impaired for cause or legitimate and rational reason through a preemptory strike. By comparison no litigant has a right to have any particular person on a jury or to exclude someone for a jury for an impermissible and discriminating reason. This is not a situation of competing valid interests. The right of a party to peremptorily strike a juror must always give way to a right of citizen to participate in our judicial system without regard to race, gender or national origin. To do otherwise undermines the respect for the rule of law upon which a peaceful democracy is based.

As you can see, Batson challenges are a little odd: Although it is the defendant that asserts the challenge, it is really about protecting a citizen's right to serve on a jury. A defendant, or any party for that matter, doesn't have a right to have a particular person, or no particular person, on the jury. Instead, we, as citizens, have the right to not be discriminated against at voir dire.

No real mocking here, but still a lesson to be learned: If you are a prosecutor, there is obviously the tendency to want to eliminate certain potential jurors because you think they may identify with certain characteristics of the defendant, especially race. I'm not particularly sure how much of that is reality. But, the point is, you need a legitimate, non-discriminatory reason for defeating a prima facie Batson challenge.

February 03, 2007

6-1, 6-2

Last week Serena Williams won the Australian Open, her 8th major championship, beating Maria Sharapova, the number 1 player in the world, 6-1, 6-2. Those of you that watched the match know, surprisingly, the match wasn't even as close as the score indicates. ("Comprehensive beating" was how SI's Jon Wertheim described it.)

Anyway, Serena was a guest on Conan, where Conan challenged her to a game of Wii Tennis:

[UPDATE: Boo NBC/Universal.]

This bit brings together a lot of things I totally love: Conan, tennis, Nintendo, extra "assets." So this is pretty cool.

The thing I should mention about Wii Tennis is that it isn't really much like tennis at all. I mean, it approximately simulates tennis, as imagined by someone who doesn't really play tennis. Not to say that it isn't fun; it is by far my favorite game on Wii Sports. But being an actual tennis player gives you no advantage in this game, aside from general eye-hand coordination. True, you can use actual tennis strokes and perform at this game just fine, but the secret to getting good is developing a well-timed wrist snap. That's true in some aspects of real tennis too (serves, overheads), but not so much with groundies and volleys.

Point is, it is funny tv, but not a real tennis simulation. Aside from the lack of motion-sensitive controllers and the inclusion of classic-Nintendo characters, Mario Power Tennis is actually a very accurate tennis simulation; probably the best regular-style controller tennis game I've ever played. (I say this having owned several tennis video games in my lifetime, including Wimbledon for the Sega Genesis and a crappy Jimmy Connors computer game.)

Oh well, time to sign off this thing: Short Circuit just came on. "Number 5 . . . is ALIVE!"

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