Supplemental Jurisdiction

6-1, 6-2

Last week Serena Williams won the Australian Open, her 8th major championship, beating Maria Sharapova, the number 1 player in the world, 6-1, 6-2. Those of you that watched the match know, surprisingly, the match wasn't even as close as the score indicates. ("Comprehensive beating" was how SI's Jon Wertheim described it.)

Anyway, Serena was a guest on Conan, where Conan challenged her to a game of Wii Tennis:

[UPDATE: Boo NBC/Universal.]

This bit brings together a lot of things I totally love: Conan, tennis, Nintendo, extra "assets." So this is pretty cool.

The thing I should mention about Wii Tennis is that it isn't really much like tennis at all. I mean, it approximately simulates tennis, as imagined by someone who doesn't really play tennis. Not to say that it isn't fun; it is by far my favorite game on Wii Sports. But being an actual tennis player gives you no advantage in this game, aside from general eye-hand coordination. True, you can use actual tennis strokes and perform at this game just fine, but the secret to getting good is developing a well-timed wrist snap. That's true in some aspects of real tennis too (serves, overheads), but not so much with groundies and volleys.

Point is, it is funny tv, but not a real tennis simulation. Aside from the lack of motion-sensitive controllers and the inclusion of classic-Nintendo characters, Mario Power Tennis is actually a very accurate tennis simulation; probably the best regular-style controller tennis game I've ever played. (I say this having owned several tennis video games in my lifetime, including Wimbledon for the Sega Genesis and a crappy Jimmy Connors computer game.)

Oh well, time to sign off this thing: Short Circuit just came on. "Number 5 . . . is ALIVE!"

I get spam!

Oh man, this was not the award I was hoping for:

On a related note, here's someone that apparently will never receive this email.

Missourah

From last week's Colbert Report:

Strange Ads

Part 3 in an occasional series, where I find strange ads posted on the internets. I don't know what they're selling here, but I do know I'm not buying. Mainly because I'm not a "girley girl." Unless you count that time a bunch of 5th grade girls called me a "girley girl," but that was only because they saw me throw a baseball. Truth be told, though, it did sting a little, having girls make fun of me for throwing like I girl, so I ran home and cried to my mommy. This happened, like, last Thursday
________________________

FREE: IS SHE A GIRLEY GIRL? I HAVE 5 (new) WEB BELTS IN.... Pink (w/gold buckle), purple (w/gold buckle), kelly green (w/green buckle), navy with gold stripes (brass buckle), and black (RUDOLFO ON BRASS BUCKLE). These are between 28" and 32". They vary from 1" to 1 1/2" in width. If she loves to change her colors, she'll love these. Great stocking stuffers. Call or write.

Blawg Thread of the Day

From The Volokh Conspiracy, a discussion on the OED's definitions of Bootylicious.

Related note: So, I listen to my iPod at work on shuffle, and this often presents a problem because I have a lot of rap. For example, Dre Day came on the other day, and I had to practically dive over my desk to turn the speakers off. You might think the solution is to come up with a more appropriate work playlist, but I have to be honest with you, I sort of like not knowing whether the next song is going to get me fired. I'm livin' on the edge, baby. (By the way, Areosmith isn't going to get you fired, but it probably should.)

Strange Ads

Another in SJ's occasional series, I noticed this for sale the other day:

FOR SALE: large loin Picture

Not really what you expect when you see a picture of a  "large loin" advertised.

I get spam!

Strange Ads

I visit a certain internet classified board, and every now and then I see some random crap.  This is the first in an occasional series:

WANTED:    asbestes siding

Would like to have about 40 pieces of white asbestes siding. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx. I wonder if this person would also like to have asbestosis.

CNN.com is legitimate.

A recent poll on CNN.com:





And the results, as of the time I noticed the poll:





If you'll notice, over 23,000 people took the time to vote. I would say this is great for democracy, except that it isn't.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. Remember, brave men and women fought and died so that you could vote in a lame CNN.com poll.

Op-Ed

I'm thinking of submitting a guest essay to Evan Schaeffer's Legal Underground entitled "Appellate Advocacy:  Don't F--- It Up."  Any suggestions?

Contest Winner

Amazingly, we have a winner for my lame contest. The winner is Kristine from Divine Angst with this sentence:

There's nothing better than a moist cake.

The banned word was "moist," which sends shivers up my spine. Although, as I explained to Kristine, I probably hate the word "damp" more. A moist cake is tasty, a damp cake is just disgusting.

For her troubles, she won a random law review issue I had hanging around. I bet you are now wishing you'd participated in my contest. Well, screw you. Kristine can lord her sweet-ass ERISA article over the rest of you. So, if you need some advice on Fourth Amendment limitations, go to her.

Also, I have added Divine Angst to my blogroll, which is like the Congressional Medal of Honor, but for blogs.

Contest

Ok, Typepad has just come up with a new feature that allows me to ban comments containing certain words.  So, even though this will be a miserable failure because only 2 people a day read SJ, I thought I would have a little contest:  Guess which word I've banned!

Here's how you play:  You have to make a comment to this post, using what you think the banned word is.  Your comment must contain only one (1) complete sentence---it cannot contain fragments or lists of words.  This will be more entertaining if your sentence is funny.  You can only enter once per contest, so make sure you come up with a good sentence. 

If you guess correctly, the system will reject your comment and let you know you've used a banned word (or that it was somehow comment spam).  Those comments not containing the banned word will be posted for all to enjoy.  If you use the banned word, simply email me at lawtalkingguy -at- 28USC1367 -dot- com with your banned sentence, and I'll think of some prize for you.  I don't know what the prize will be; my guess is I won't have to think of anything because no one will play.  But if someone does play and wins, we'll think of something.  Perhaps bar review outlines or something cool like that.

Here's a clue:  The banned word is an adjective and it makes me wince everytime I hear it.  Contest will last a week.  First to email me a sentence with the correct word wins (you have to attempt to post it first).

PS:  I also wrote a post about the new Nintendo Wii, but I've decided to put it on hold because it is completely nerdy and not funny at all.  I'll think about it, but chances are it will never see the light of day.

UPDATE: We have a winner, who will be announced on Monday!

Old School

MTV played this video back in 2000 to a lot of controversey.  A lot of people thought it bordered on racism (see some of the comments to the video on YouTube), and rumor has it Dynamite Hack even received a death threat.

Personally, I think the video is a commentary on white kids' consumption (especially in suburbia) of rap culture.  A significant percentage of rap sales, if not the majority, are the result of white suburban purchasers.  See Eric Boehlert, GOP "play hatas," Slate, Apr. 23, 2004.  Not to go into too much detail here (this is not what I use SJ for), but I think the tension many feel due to this video is not much different from what Dave Chappelle went through when he quit his show.  In a Time magazine interview, he explained, "I want to make sure I'm dancing and not shuffling."  See John Farley, On the Beach with Dave Chappelle, Time, May 15, 2005.

In any event, I enjoy the song and the video for its parody on suburbia.  For a better and more in dept analysis, check out Mickey Hess, "Don't quote me boy": Dynamite Hack covers NWA's "Boyz-N-The-Hood," Popular Music & Society (May 2005).

For another crazy NWA cover, click here.

I get spam!

You got to know when to hold them . . .

This story is pretty funny, about a guy who bet his girlfriend that he could build a website capable of garnering 2 million unique hits.  The stakes:  If she wins, he admits he's an idiot.  If he wins, she agrees to a three-some.  He won.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is truly an event:

Man - I'm tired of poppin these bottles, tired of fuckin these models
I'm tired of these menage-a nights - yeah right (PSYCH!)
I was built for it, I got hip for it
I even got a little swagger in my limp for it

                                            ---"Na-Na Na-Na" by Nelly

Ninja Wednesday

This classic short is one of my all-time ninja favorites:

By the way, be sure to check out Ask a Ninja. Good stuff, although it is fairly similar to Strong Bad Email. Still, you can never go wrong with a ninja, so I have added the Ask a Ninja podcast to my weekly download list.

Electioneering

In my part of the world, it's springtime of an even-numbered year, and that can mean only one thing:  General Assembly Candidate Filings for the Primary Election.  While many commentators will focus on the national races this year, the one race to watch is in the 150th House District.  Go ahead, look at the candidate list here.  I haven't taken a close look at the most recent polling data, but I'm predicting an incumbent upset.  Come November 7, remember you read it here first at SJ.

H/T to a loyal reader.

I get spam!

Another excellent spam message via gmail:

I have no idea the connection between the sender's name and the product he or she is selling.

This is an intervention.

What I like about "Wednesday Wants to Know," courtesy Legally Blonde and The Namby Pamby, is that I don't have to come up with my own topic for that day.  Trust me, writing this crap four to five times a week is hard, even when I'm making up half of it. 

By the way, I'm getting slightly concerned about how often I write about alcohol.  I need an intervention.  An intervention where there are only hot girls and a keg of beer.  Oh, oh, and nachos.  Gots to have some nachos.  So, basically what I'm saying is I want to watch a basketball game, only with hot girls instead my usual fat, hairy friends.

Right, so onto the questions . . .

Question 1

a) What's the best drink to aid you to make your mind an etch-a-sketch?

Sidecar, made with cognac and cointreau.  If the bartender asks me what's in a Sidecar, I order a gin & tonic.

b) What will you sip/nurse/chug when you are in a social setting and you cannot appear to be a lush?

My standard: G & T. 

c) Some say you are being cultured, others say you are an alcoholic; when drinking alone, what is your poison of choice?

Usually just beer, but sometimes, when I want to show myself a good time, gin.  And probably some cheez whiz. 

Question 2: What has your drunk-ass done to embarrass the shit out of yourself the most?

Oh, I think it would definitely be this night.

Question 3: In your best Thomas Crown impression, what is the best way to debonairly buy a person you are attracted to a drink.

[Scene:  Local watering hole]
ME:  Yo, barkeep, send a martini to the fine looking gentleman across the bar.
BARTENDER:  Uh, you're the only one in here man.  You're looking at yourself in the mirror.
ME:  Dammit, I know!  And make it an appletini!

I get spam!

I recently received this message in my gmail spam folder:

This, I find, extremely hilarious.  As you know, with me, it's always safety first.  I don't know what Floyd is trying to sell exactly, but I hope it is a snorkel.

I'm a connoisseur.

Professor Bainbridge recently posted about his attempts to shoot "still life photographs of wine bottles."  Now, I like the professor; although I disagree with him on almost every political issue, he makes well-reasoned arguments.  But photographing wine bottles?  I know he says "everybody needs a hobby," but trust me:  Nobody needs this hobby.  You can enjoy wine, you can enjoy photography, but let's not pretend that mixing the two makes you socially acceptable.  I mean, when most people are that bored, they just have a baby.

So, seriously, if you haven't clicked through to see his post yet, do so now.  Cool.  Notice how he has a bunch of grapes near the wine bottle.  We get it; wine is made from grapes.  Very artistic.  I wonder, what would it look like if I combined an interest in taking pictures with a fondness for my beverage of choice---beer? I think it would look something like this:

So whaddya think?  Eh?

Classroom Participation

Every week over at Legally Blonde and The Namby Pamby, they have this thing called "Wednesday Wants to Know," where they ask three questions of general interest, and we, the losers that make up the blogging community, all share.  I'm not particularly good at sharing.  In fact, several women I know have referred to me, at times, as "cold," "distant," "uncaring," and "quick."  They often forget to mention "soulless."

Anyway, even though I'm a complete jerk to my real friends, I would like to support Elle and TNP, so here it goes:

1) What is your favorite classroom distraction?

I was never into the classics, like freecell or solitaire, and I also didn't care too much for IM.  General internet surfing and emailing dominated most of my time.  However, my favorite distraction, even though it wasn't the one I did most often, was playing Pac-Man.  I'd bust that out mostly in Mass Torts when we had some substitute, who was soooo boring.

2)  What is your classroom attendance/behavior policy?

My behavior in class was nothing special; professor called on me, I'd talk.  I figured it was the least I could do given that I rarely showed up to class at all.  For example, I didn't go to Federal Income Tax for seven (7!) straight weeks because I had too much journal work.  When I did go to Tax, I certainly didn't attend every class that week, so I would say I missed almost 2.5 months.  Thankfully, in law school grades do not correspond to attendance (unless you unfortunately attend a school that takes attendance.  Then, yes, there is some correlation between the two). 

3)  What do you do if you have gotten called out by the professor and you are a) not prepared on the material for the day, b) not paying a bit of attention to the gaseous windbag in the front of the room, or c) touching yourself?

a)  In Property once, I hadn't been to class for about a week because I had to have a first draft of my Note turned into my professor before Thanksgiving.  Eventually, I decided to go back to class, even though I hadn't done the reading for the entire week, but figured it was safe since I had been called on just before I stopped going to class.  It wasn't.  The Professor called on me, and I couldn't even fake my way through an answer:  I hadn't been in a week so I had no idea was the earlier conversations were.

So I said, "Sorry, Professor, I'm going to have to pass today."

"Mr. X, none of the answers to these questions are in the book.  We're just talking about what you think," he said.  Great, I thought, a completely bullshitable question, if only I knew the topic we were discussing.

"Yeah.  I'm still going to have to pass."

"Not even going to try?  Are you sure?" the professor asked.

"Well, you're free to ask me the question, but I'm pretty sure I don't know that answer," was all I could respond.  He moved on.

b)  I just say, "Can you repeat that; I wasn't paying attention."  Again, I'm not particularly scared of professors or their contempt.  I'm also not into wasting my time (Pac-Man is not a waste of my time).

c)  Answering a professor's question while touching yourself often shows the proper amount of respect due.