Remember how I said last week that production values are sorely lacking in today's YouTube ninja videos? Well, I will admit, sometimes bad videos really are funny. Take for example today's Ninja Wednesday clip: At first, I thought it was some kid's 8th grade homeroom project, but it appears to be an actual local tv commercial for home sales. The fact that they are using a ninja to sell homes is totally sweet.
Yesterday, Slate had an article entitled "The state of the ninja." The article is trying to be funny, and it sort of is, but not really. It did provide a link to this totally awesome trailer for American Ninja however:
My favorite quote relates to the article's claim that Israel, where two directors who produced several modern ninja movies were from, is responsible for the modern-day ninja craze:
The Israeli affinity for ninjas makes sense when you consider that ninjas are basically supercool Jews. Both practice esoteric traditions that must be kept pure or they'll lose their power, both wear black outfits, and both can destroy much larger and more numerous opponents. The main difference is that while observant Jews spend a lot of time praying, observant ninjas spend a lot of time hiding and killing people.
[Presently, t]he ninja seems to have fallen into the clutches of the shallow and callow, fit only to be an object of mockery for sad men-children.
Until someone gets off their ass and starts making some good Ninja-related material, we all suffer.
If it is a Wednesday, then it must be Ninja Wednesday!
The problem with Ninja Wednesday these days it is hard to find new material out there that lives up to the very high standard we've established for Ninja Wednesdays. There is seriously a lot of crap out there. Anyway, if you ever see anything ninja related that you think should be posted, you know how to get in touch with me.
Trust me. Ninjas eventually appear.
So, almost a year ago I posted a review of a Ninja restaurant in New York. Well, here is like a 5 minute infomercial for Ninja New York. Truth be told, it is kind of boring, but it is also kind of awesome in the way that they are totally serious about their ninjicity. Just like me, only without the boring part because I'm excitement in a fucking bottle. I have no idea what that means.
You know how I said before that it I'm rarely ever too busy for Ninja Wednesday? I lied. But anyway, here's a clip from a store called "Zaks" that used to run ads during TMNT cartoons. The things I love about it: 1) It is totally 80s, and no matter where you're from, there were stores just like Zacks running commercials just like this during your cartoon breaks; 2) an adult man reduced to dressing up like a ninja just to convince kids to beg their parents to go to Zaks to meet all their TMNT needs; and 3) this 29 second commercial neatly wraps up all you need to know about TMNT: green, "Cowabunga!," "Tubular!," and pizza.
As noted earlier, I've got one of those new fangled Nintendo Wiis. Stupid name, pretty solid machine. Anyway, yesterday as part of Opera's announcement that their web browser for the Wii is debuting Friday, they included this "comic":
Two things I was not aware of: 1) Opera's mascot is a ninja; and 2) Comics aren't supposed to be funny. You learn something new everyday.
Also included: LEGOs.
I was going to post this news story for Ninja Wednesday, but then I realized it could also be a Criminal Friday topic. My brilliant compromise: Post it on Thursday!
From the story:
Gonzalez and Sevilla are accused of dressing like ninjas in black clothing, masks and gloves and storming the bank shortly after a 9 a.m. armored car delivery. They fled the bank with $450,000. No one was injured.
First of all,you can't really blame the guy for dressing up like a ninja to rob a bank. What teller isn't going to be scared shitless when he sees a ninja suddenly appear at his window, sword drawn? Also, the fact that you could use smoke bombs to mask your escape is almost incentive enough to become a ninja thief.
On the other hand, if not executed properly, acting like a ninja in a bank is going to draw a lot of attention. And not in a good way, like the attention Mr. Monopoly attracts when he enters a bank.That one ninja turtle almost got it right: Generally you get the pizza afterward.
Words cannot explain . . .
Today I present a most excellent music video, which nicely ties together several of this week's themes. It involves a kitten dressed up like a ninja. It also features a very chill song that will help you forget about some of your bar stress, just like the "Gay Bar" video helped me relax during law school finals. Enjoy, suckers!
Apparently while attempting to fix its problems today, Typepad erased my Ninja Wednesday post. Luckily I was lazy and just posted another (totally awesome) video, so it wasn't hard to recreate. Behold, from the Upright Citizens Brigade:
This band's name is Vanilla Ninja. The video is of their song "Dangerzone." Two things highly disappoint me:
1) Vanilla Ice apparently is not involved in Vanilla Ninja; and
2) This is not a cover of "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins.
On the plus side, they are from Estonia.
This speaks for itself:
(If you want to see the original Vanilla Ice video (and God help you if you do), you can check it out here.)
My favorite ninja-related music video. The only---and I mean only---unrealistic thing about this video is that the POTUS had notice that the ninjas were coming. Trust me, when real ninjas attack, it is without warning.
It is a slow Ninja Wednesday. However, it is still good enough that I can present this awesome clip, which the comments (if they are to be believed) say is from some guy's audition tape.
(By the way, here's another tangentially related Ninja video that reminds me of Hans Moleman's short film, "Man Getting Hit in Groin with Football."
This video is so awesome, it's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain.
(FOX News) At long last, college students in New Zealand have a legitimate excuse to release their inner ninjas.
Ninjasoc — a social club reserved exclusively for those with a penchant for parading around in black pajamas, ridding the world of evildoers — is taking Canterbury University by storm, New Zealand’s Stuff reports.
The masterminds behind the martial arts madness say their quirky club started as a joke, but quickly ballooned to include 250 members.
Plastic ninja sword-brandishing Michael Down, one of the founding four, says the club taps into people’s secret need to be ninjas.
"You always, as a young man, want to be a ninja or a pirate. I guess we just made it a club and people thought, 'That looks like fun,'" he said.
Fun indeed.
The society’s Web site even goes as far as to claim "the only thing cooler than your mum in this crazy world is a ninja.”
But the club isn’t so much a group of skilled and stealthy fighters as it is a bunch of people who just want to have a good time.
"I don't think they are a secret bunch of real ninjas. I think they do stuff that is more ninja-aimed. I don't really know what, but they have had a couple of barbecues. Ninjas have to eat," University of Canterbury Students' Association president Warren Poh said.
[PS: I apologize for linking to a FOX News story.]
As we all know, Real Ultimate Power is, like, the granddaddy of internet Ninja tributes. Unbeknownst to me, a book based on the website was published almost two years ago. Entitled "Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book," it looks pretty awesome, although I am sort of surprised that it is kind serious, in the sense that it is about a kid who becomes obsessed with ninjas because his home life is terrible.
I guess that's one way to get into ninjas. As for me, I'm just weird man.
I'm taking Ninja Wednesday easy today. My excitement for Wii got me thinking about one of my favorite Nintendo games of all time: Ninja Gaiden. So, the other day I took the opportunity to do some research, and I was glad to see it even has a Wikipedia entry (everything has a Wikipedia entry).
Anyway, enough of that. If you ever played Ninja Gaiden, you know it is one of the sweetest NES games ever. On to Ninja News(TM) . . .
In a follow-up to a story we earlier reported on, the University of Georgia student who was jumped by the ATF after he was seen dressed as a ninja is now requesting an apology from the agency. The article quotes the student as saying, “If an apology were issued, that would be the end of it."
This kid should be ashamed of himself. Ninjas don't ask for apologies; ninjas exact their revenge swiftly and silently. Instead of begging for an apology, he should do something to get back at the ATF, like not pay his taxes. Man, will they be pissed when they find their fiscal year 06-07 budget decreased. Take that, ATF!
In this article, a great ninja master gives this sage advice: "Always be able to kill your students."
I mean, it sounds like sage advice . . . if you're a selfish ninja. In practice, however, if every ninja teacher followed this advice, ninjas as a group would just become weaker and weaker to the point where mall security guards would be more of a threat. Maybe this is why, as the article points out, this ninja master is the last ninja teacher in the world, and why no one wants to learn ninjitsu anymore. When you take golf or tennis lessons, the instructors doesn't plan to intentionally keep you worse than him. If this were true, there'd be no Tiger Woods. Where is the Ninja Tiger Woods?
But, I guess being a ninja means you don't engage in groupthink.
By the way, Ask a Ninja has a video explaining how to kill a ninja.
Sweet, sweet Ninja Wednesday is here. This week, a New York Times review of an awesome new restaurant called Ninja New York. By awesome, I mean in the sense that it is a ninja themed restaurant. The Times says otherwise about its food.
Some excerpts:
CONFUSING the point of a restaurant with the mission of a "Saturday Night Live" skit, Ninja New York deposits you in a kooky, dreary subterranean labyrinth that seems better suited to coal mining than to supping. You are greeted there by servers in black costumes who ceaselessly bow, regularly yelp and ever so occasionally tumble, and you are asked to choose between two routes to your table.
. . .
An American offshoot of a restaurant in Tokyo, Ninja intends to evoke a Japanese mountain village inhabited by ninjas, a special breed of stealthy warriors. In this case they come armed not only with swords and sorcery but also with recipes, which may be their most dangerous weapons of all. And they roam, romp and perform dopey magic tricks, including sleight of hand with rubber bands, over 6,000 square feet of darkened crannies and well-separated, quiet nooks.
. . .
[The restaurant] should also advise its ninjas that it's not nice to brag about having entertained a Hollywood celebrity who, by the account of the ninja in question, was the apparent beneficiary of recent breast augmentation. I was happy for the disclosure and appalled at the indiscretion, as I was at so much else.
A highly entertaining, and scathing, review.
I smell an Equal Protection claim:
Feds Pounce on Student Dressed As a Ninja
ATHENS, Ga. (AP) -- Running through the University of Georgia campus as a ninja can elicit a prompt response from authorities, a UGA sophomore learned.
Federal Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm agents, on campus for a community training project, detained Jeremiah Ransom of Macon Tuesday as a "suspicious individual" when they spotted a masked figure darting near the Georgia Center.
Ransom told The Red & Black student newspaper that he had left a Wesley Foundation pirate vs. ninja event when he was snared by agents with guns drawn.
"It was surreal," Ransom said. "I was jogging from Wesley to Snelling (cafeteria) when I heard someone yell `freeze.'" At first, he thought a friend was playing a joke.
University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said Ransom was released as soon as he was found to have violated no laws.
Vanessa McLemore, the ATF special agent in charge, said agents thought something was amiss when they "noticed someone wearing a bandanna across the face and acting in a somewhat suspicious manner, peeping around the corner" then breaking into a run.
Williamson said Ransom was wearing black sweat pants and an athletic T-shirt with one red bandanna covering the bottom half of his face and another covering the top of his head.
H/T to Bub @ illimitable dominion for passing this along.
This week Ninja Wednesday incorporates ninjas (but of course) and law school. Sarah over at The New Step takes her law school's new crest and makes it sleeker, faster, and deadlier. Seriously, the only way her crest could be more bad ass is if the Ninja were fighting Jack Bauer. And somehow a shark was involved, either directly in the fight, or perhaps waiting off to the side having already called "next." Even without my suggestions, though, it is still cool as hell. (You can also get it as an MSN Messenger icon here.)
NB: Someone in the comments over at TNS said that Medicine & Dentistry could use a few pirates. To imagine how this would go down in an office environment, click here.
Ok, so I saw this cool Radio Shack commercial featuring a ninja, but I couldn't find it on YouTube or Google Video. Luckily I had it tivo'd, and using the good ol' low-tech method of filming the tv screen, captured it for our enjoyment:
Jeebus, I love Ninja Wednesday.
[UPDATE]: I know it is slow as hell, but fixing it will have to wait until after work. All apologies.
[UPDATE 2]: Ok, so I found it on YouTube after all, although it is kind of f'd up. If you want to see the orginal, but much slower downloading, version I had up, click here.
This movie is based on the website Real Ultimate Power:
I'll admit, it isn't that awesome, but the website is and this is Ninja Wednesday, so, it's like I had no choice. Or something.
Today, we explore some ninja-related questions that we all have.
From Ask Yahoo!:
How does one become a ninja?
Mike
Atlanta, Georgia
For the answer, read here.
Over at Google Answers, someone poses this question with the subject line "Chuck Norris vs. Small Dinosaur With Moderate Ninja Training?":
Who would win in a hand-to-hand battle between legendary bearded hero
Chuck Norris and a similarly sized dinosaur with equal training in
ass-kicking?
For the answer, read here.
This classic short is one of my all-time ninja favorites:
By the way, be sure to check out Ask a Ninja. Good stuff, although it is fairly similar to Strong Bad Email. Still, you can never go wrong with a ninja, so I have added the Ask a Ninja podcast to my weekly download list.
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