. . . and the livin' is easy.
Or at least it should be. I'm really looking forward to summer this because it means the arrival of the summer interns. For the first time in my life, I'm not the intern, the low-man on the totem pole. Not since my fraternity days have I had the opportunity to assign busy work and random tasks to people who probably don't like me (join the club), but must obey me nonetheless. Actually, that's not true. On law review, I also assigned busy work and random tasks. But that was different; now I can hand out assignments for things I actually want accomplished, such as filing all the paper work I've been too lazy to do so far.
Basically, being a summer intern is akin to being hazed. During my 1L summer, I was the last intern to start, so some of the attorneys got together and decided to play a joke on me. The devised a scheme, in which I was supposed to keep a journal and write down what my greatest accomplishment was that day, along with areas I felt could use improvement. I was also to list what I liked best and worst about work on a weekly basis. So, I'm handed this form, told it's standard summer internship procedure, and that the recruitment coordinator wants the first journal entry by the end of the day (she was not in on the joke).
Unfortunately for these guys, I didn't do the journal. Not because I figured out their scheme, but because I'm a lazy mofo. The form stays on my desk, and the next day one of the attorneys asks me if I got it done.
"Nope," I responded, not bothering to turn around because I was in the middle of reading email.
"Well, remember, it is required," he notes, walking quickly back to his office.
These lawyers also got the other interns in on it, so they were telling me how they'd already filled out their journal entries and turned them in. While I admired their pluck, this information didn't encourage me to fill out my own form. Remember, lazy mofo here.
At the end of the week, the attorney asks me again if I've filled out the form. "Sorry," I say, "I've been swamped." I wasn't, nor had I been.
"You need to do it, [Recruiting Coordinator] needs those today!"
I'll admit, he did a good job selling it that time. So, I filled out the form, but in the most half-assed way possible. To the questions "What do you like best so far?" I answered, "Everything's aight." To the question of what improvements I would make in the office, I said, "Get faster elevators." I also suggested the cafeteria needed more cream soda.
I turned it in to the attorney, and awhile later I see him and a bunch of his friends hunched over the document. Turns out it was a prank where I was supposed to write down some embarrassing things, showing what an eager and naive 1L I was. Naive, perhaps, but unfortunately I was too lazy to fall into their trap. Such is my life. Point is, these types of things go on all the time, to some degree or another, between lawyers and interns. Most of it is in good fun, I suppose. Just like all hazing.
It was also during my 1L summer, however, that I got a taste of what having your own intern is like. You see, there was a college senior working in the office too, and one time, while bogged down in one of those inevitable "research this type of law in all 50 states" type assignments, I convinced one of the attorneys to let me borrow her. Doling out an assignment, which in turn would actually help me, was one of the highlights of my life so far (trust me, I know that's not a good thing).
Because she wasn't a law student, though, it also meant I had to teach her the rudimentaries of legal research. She didn't have a Westlaw password, and I didn't want to explain connectors and databases, so I taught her the old fashion way . . . the books! Yeah, it was a lot of digests and statutory indices for her, and I'm sure it was painful, but since she was thinking of going to law school, I figured she deserved it. Law school hazing can never start too early, and if my assignment convinced her to do something else with her life instead, I'd say I did her---and the world---a great service. But, like most of us morons, even after being legally hazed, I'm sure she still went to law school. She, like the rest of us, has no one to blame but herself.
Anyway, what this all breaks down to is: 1) a career in law is like a 30-year-long DKE hell week; and 2) getting your own summer intern helps to temporarily ease the pain. Those pocket parts aren't going to read themselves, you know.
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